I’ve been sober for 6 days, and already I’ve done a bunch of random stuff that took me out of my comfort zone: I attended an evangelist fundraiser for kids in Zambia (that was easy cause the evangelist people don’t drink, there was no alcohol served – haha), I’ve worked as a hostess for a bike-powered smoothie gig (which involved cheering people on as they pedal to make their own smoothies in a mall for 5 hours), I managed to somehow catch a cold, I broke up then made up with my partner, I overcame my shame and went to a dermatologist to start a new treatment for adult acne. And last but not least, I set myself a longer-term goal that implies overcoming some serious fear:
In another AF community I’m part of they make you book a physical challenge so you’re working towards a goal and have a “reason” to stay sober. Most people chose to run half marathons or whatever, but I personally HATE running, so I decided to pick something that has been on my mind for a couple of years and is still the main obstacle in my yoga practice: my intense FEAR OF HANDSTANDS. I used to be able to do them against a wall a few years ago, but I guess my fear has increased with age, and these days even the “against the wall” handstand feels like too much. I’m thinking, if I don’t start now I’m NEVER going to be able to do this. So I set up a rug again a wall in my living room as a practice space, and made one pathetic attempt that failed. But at least I have something to work with and improve. Let’s see how this goes, maybe in 3 months I’ll have made some progress 🙂
Tomorrow evening I have my first serious social event and “challenge” situation: my university’s welcome reception cocktail party. I have already mentioned to a few friends (including those present during my embarrassing binge on the evening before Day 1 – see “Day 2, here we go”) that I’m on a “sobriety challenge”. I’m feeling a bit nervous, as this is typically the kind of situation in which I used to believe that alcohol was necessary in order to survive. I suffer from a bad case of impostor’s syndrome in the academic setting, and alcohol used to take the edge off of the awkward conversations with my colleagues and faculty members. This time I will try to remember that 90% of people in academia suffer from similar anxieties and are awkward people in the first place, and that there is nothing wrong with me. That sober-Anne is good enough and smart enough to deal with the people and the chit-chat for a couple of hours while sipping sparkling water. And most of all, that once she has made an appearance and fulfilled her duty, sober-Anne is wise enough to just get out of there if sh**t gets too boring or unbearable.
What are some of the challenges you’re learning to face without liquid courage these days ?
Whatever it is, keep going!
Anne
Good luck with that social event. Report back. I’m sure it will go well!
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Thanks Jim, I will. Hope you’re feeling better as you approach the two week mark 🙂
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Yes strangely very good. I could just be going mad!
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hahaha yaaay to that kind of madness! I guess the highs are going to end up just as surprising as the lows in this crazy journey 🙂
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Yes I think they are. I think for me having had an earlier 3 month break has been important as I have a better idea of what to expect. I know for me, weekends and going out are going to be really challenging, but hey ho, the pluses will be worth it. Hope it’s still going well for you?
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Yes, I think it’s great you had a practice round and know what to expect trigger-wise, it’ll definitely help navigate the weekends. BY THE WAY what are you doing tomorrow evening? 🙂 Hope you find the time to treat yourself to some healthy rewards/activities to actually ENJOY your evening 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Hi Anne , well tomorrow is now my today and I’ve had a stressful week with building work that has thrown up multiple problems. The kind of week where I’d be thinking”I need a drink” so double whammy of Friday and stress. But I won’t drink. I’ll make a nice meal and try to convince my partner to play a board or card game. I love games and prefer that to watching TV. Or, I might have a go on my guitar and try out a new amplifier I just bought. But good point, I should plan so I don’t get caught up in that weekend feeling. How about you, does the weekend present any challenges?
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Hi Jim ! Thank you so much for reaching out. I LOVE boardgames and haven’t lived with a TV for the last 5 years, and it’s great 🙂 (Netflix doesn’t count!). I hope you had a nice evening with your partner! Coming up on day 10 here and I’ve been dealing with a lot of relationship issues. A lot of emotions being dug up, and honestly, it’s been really tough, but I will not drink either! This is what I wanted: to face myself and my feelings without a crutch. I’ve been procrastinating writing a new post because it feels like all I do is complain about feeling sad and lonely, and I do want to get some positive material out there/not want to bore everyone to death/feel sorry for myself. I hope these difficult few days and the waves of sadness that come with them get smoother soon. I’m glad you seem to be doing so well, keep going !!! Your blog is an inspiration ! (that sounds corny but it’s true – as for all the wonderful other blogs I have discovered recently. Yay WordPress! )
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Weird timelines just read this after reading your latest post. Your posts are definitely not boring they are REAL. And that’s important because what you are going through is what others like me are also going through, it’s not just giving up booze it’s facing some difficult situations and feelings. Maybe there were good reasons why we drank! But it’s now about facing them without that crutch. Let’s not kid ourselves we often loved that crutch and we will mourn it to some extent. Booze can be a bastard but we did have some good times with it didn’t we. Damn, why is life so complicated? Don’t give up I’m relying on you to keep me company (unfair emotional manipulation) 😉
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hahaha yes we did have some good times with that bastard 🙂 and don’t worry I am NOT giving up ! I’m learning more every day about why and when I drank, and although these days it’s the hard way, I’m also learning how to do things differently. I hope you are too! This really feels like self-parenting + mourning at the same time lol. uuuuurghhhh 🙂
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Very relatable post… the whole academia/imposter/anxiety/awkwardness thing — yes that’s just it, isn’t it, realizing that so many of us are in the same boat so really, no need to worry! so AWESOME, all the things you’ve already done in 6 days of sobriety, AND that your physical challenge will be handstands!!! my grandpa could do them well into his eighties if I remember right and it was the family party trick! you’ve really inspired me. Now I’m going to think about picking a physical challenge too. 🤩
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wowowowow your grandpa sounds AMAZING ! and here I am at age 31 thinking I am too old to try anything new. hahaha thanks for the reframe ! I can’t wait to hear what challenge you pick for yourself 🙂 It’s soooo empowering. And I know that for me it also makes it ok to “fail” (i.e. to allow myself to be imperfect and be more gentle with myself), which is super important.
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He was, he was super amazing… he lived mostly very good health, till age 91! I often reflect that although I certainly didn’t realize it at the time, he was one of the original self-help gurus in my life. 😄
Now you’ve got me thinking again about the challenge… hmmm. I’d love to say splits or backbend, since although I’m fairly limber I’ve always had very (very!!) limited (let’s say pathetic) flexibility in those directions, but I doubt I could stay motivated to see those through. I’m really going to have to ponder this one. 🤔 Maybe sitting still? ;D Ooooh I have it, I’m going to go for achieving lotus position!!! Ok now I’m excited. Thanks for this motivation. 🎉🙌🧘🏼♂️xoxo
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yaaay 🙂 that sounds like a wonderful challenge ! I can only last 10 seconds in a half-ass wonky lotus… when I see people meditating in full lotus I am always in awe 🙂
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I think we’re on “the same mat” then 😆
Me too, awe. Reverence. (And sometimes a bit of jealousy, depending on my mood. ;))
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Welcome!
Happy Day 6!
xo
Wendy
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thaaaaank you Wendy! This is a crazy journey indeed 🙂
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