Day 33: Effects of 1 Month Alcohol Free

EDIT: I want to honor the resilient part of me and, against all immediate inclinations, still get the “1 month sober” post out there.

Reminder to self: Don’t give up. Even if you feel shitty, what follows remains true on a factual level.

EFFECTS OF ONE MONTH ALCOHOL FREE

• .Lots and lots of free time in the mornings and evenings (challenge: how to fill that time)
• Exercising WAY more (mostly to fill the time). Trying new sports.
• No more drunken binge eating
• Lost 6 lbs effortlessly (while still allowing myself treats)
• Feeling fitter, stronger physically. Setting and facing new physical and psychological challenges, such as slowly mastering HANDSTAND:

• Increased self-esteem and self-worth (proud of still being sober)
• Increased self-confidence (E.g. from being able to socialize without a drink: sober courage is real)
• Decrease in feelings of “I need a drink to survive x”
• Suddenly gained access to buried emotions that were previously blocked out by drinking
• Therefore able to do intense therapeutic work with said emotions: personal growth on a deep, identity-level.
• Despite intense mood swings, less depression (no chronic feeling of “everything is shit”, that drinking probably made worse). 
• Despite intense emotions, overall increased ability in TOLERATING intense emotions (building strength in learning proper emotional regulation): NO LONGER AFRAID OF UNPLEASANT/DIFFICULT EMOTIONS. Know that I can handle them/they will pass
• Gained insight into the fact that drinking was (in great part) THE PROBLEM, not the solution to my problems
• Increased hope for the future, ability to let go and surrendering control to “the universe” or whatever is out there
• Increased desire to practice self-care and listen to self (identifying needs, taking a mental health break, etc.)
• Increased kindness and gentleness towards self.
• Spending more time doing healthy things that I enjoy and would put off while drinking. Eg – being in nature, evening meditations (no more excuses to drunkenly skip them)

Downsides (or rather, unpleasant aspects which still remain (FOR NOW)): 

• Feelings of isolation 
• Still have cravings
• Occasionally have FOMO when I think of people at the bar or while sipping alcohol free beer while others have IPAs. (must find AF IPA 🙂 
• Addictive behaviors and reflexes still implemented and need to be closely monitored.

That’s all folks. Still on this f****g horse.