Day 140: Strength and fragility

on an urban walk this weekend

Dearest WordPress friends, 

My apologies for such a long absence. It’s not that I forgot about you or think I have this sobriety thing all figured out (oooooooh no…. believe me, I ain’t got nothing figured out !). It’s just that my dissertation chapter that was due on December 16th is STILL NOT FINISHED and I am now trying to have it done by the end of the month.


The only “notable” recovery-related events worth mentioning here are probably :

  • my therapist dumped me – just kidding, she “set me free” by officially announcing that I am doing fine and over the depressive episode that happened during my breakup in the Fall. She said that right now writing my dissertation is the number one priority and honestly I was grateful to her, because I really do need the time. The deal is that I go back to see her if and when I feel the need to, and otherwise, keep doing whatever I’m doing. 

  • I found out that if I want to, after I defend my PhD here in the USA, I can take one last year off of the high-school teaching job which awaits me in France. In other terms: if I want, I can take a gap year and do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, ANYWHERE before resuming my “job for life” one year later. It’s my last chance to take the year off (I’ve already taken 5 for the PhD and the maximum is 6 — initially I thought it was 5, hence my surprise). I have until March to decide, but so far it’s a 90% internal yes to the gap year. My PhD stipend ends in May though, so I will have to do some serious money figuring out, but sobriety is helping me think  about what I really WANT to do, vs. what I think I should be doing. Taking a year off to travel the world, do some Woofing, go on a longer meditation retreat, try a completely different job outside of academia (and WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE?!) feels like a huge step in figuring that out. 

Some of y’all might also be happy to know that I dropped the binge eating as a coping mechanism for dealing with the stress of dissertation writing (these things come and go for me) and have managed to adopt more of a “doing your best and being imperfect is enough” attitude, which has proven way more productive than the “hyper perfectionist anxiety strategy”. 🙂 Duh….

All in all, alcohol has not been on my mind these days, except when it pops up in the form of the occasional, fleeting craving. These feel almost like the cravings you get as an ex-smoker: they appear out of nowhere, and pass just as quickly as they arrived, disappearing back into the void of craving-land (is that where hell is? ^^). I did get a couple of stronger ones, which got the doubt-machine cranking up again (“maybe just one?”), but thankfully their low intensity and short duration were such that it only took a few seconds before I was able to identify “junkie thinking” and let it all go.

WAIT! don’t take my smug sense of peace and confidence too seriously ! Things feel a LOT more fragile when I think of my next upcoming challenge in this AF adventure. In two weeks I am going to Mexico City for the first time (yaaaaay!). I’ll be tagging along with my musician boyfriend, who is going on tour there. This means that I am going to be in Mexican bars, going to Mexican gigs, with cool Mexican musicians every night, and somehow have to explain in my broken Tarzan-like Spanish that I can’t drink and ask whether they have nonalcoholic beer (or mescal^^). I am seriously thinking of just telling everyone that I’m pregnant… at least I know how to say that in Spanish. But then again, perhaps that’s not the best plan when one has only just met one’s partner’s friends and colleagues for the first time and is DEFO 100% not pregnant, not in a million years. Must figure out another plan. Uuuuurgh. 

This weekend I also went to a two day long meditation “retreat” organized by an awesome local PhD psychotherapist who mixes western attachment theory with Buddhist philosophy. He’s a really cool guy and had all the qualities that I admire in a Western practitioner: humility, no crazy mumbo jumbo or spiritual materialism, yet very deep insights and great practice advice. The meditation weekend was fuuuuun 🙂 It felt good to reconnect to a more “in depth” practice.

Hopefully I can apply a bit of Buddhist wisdom to my upcoming trip, to the rest of my PhD writing days and to this mysterious gap year that might open up once this grad school thingy is done. Wowowowow !

In any case, hang in there everyone and have a beautiful week !

Xxx Anne

Published by nomorebeer

Learning how sobriety helps you ENJOY life.

20 thoughts on “Day 140: Strength and fragility

  1. A year off to travel, meditate and have new adventures sounds amazing! I feel like sobriety opens a whole new world of possibilities. Wishing you all the best on your dissertation. Xx


  2. Good to see you back. As far as excuses for why you’re not drinking, the pregnancy one sounds good and you do have a little time to get that sorted😉. Failing that a friend of mine does have an allergic reaction to alcohol and that’s why he doesn’t drink. It’s a great line as well as nobody follows it up with endless questions. I’m jealous of a year off! Have a great time in Mexico ! Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jim !!! You know what I might even just stick to “no puedo beber alcool” and hope that no one will ask why 🙂 In fact I’m less worried about the peer pressure than the temptation. But hopefully it will be ok 🙂 xxx Anne


  3. Totally loved this post. Honestly you sound in such a good place right now with so many exciting prospects ahead (once that god damn chapter is done and dusted!). I think a year travelling and having new adventures sounds just perfect Anne. Come visit us in Blighty! You’ve done brilliantly and it’s paying off now.
    Love Claire xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are doing great, Anne! Way to go!
    Then come visit me in Minnesota! 😂😂😂
    Just a hop and skip away!
    I’ve been on lots of sober holidays around a lot of alcohol, and it hasn’t been a problem, except for my first one, where I pouted. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply to nomorebeer2019 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Mental Health @ Home

A safe place to talk openly about mental health & illness

Sober Veg Mama

Attempting to end a twenty year love / hate relationship with alcohol.

Stel Coombe-Heath: Binge and emotional eating recovery specialist

Life is too short to feel guilty for what you ate.

My Recovery Journal

My attempt at recovering from depression, addiction and an eating disorder

Paths to Recovery After Abuse and Trauma

Helping People Find Their Paths to Recovery and Beyond

Recovery And Spirituality

Musings on Life, Love, Consciousness, Toxic Masculinity, Toxic Religion, The Sacred and The Profane

From famine to feast.

Writing, recovery, and random thoughts.


Live Life Wisely

Living Life Recovery

a safe place to investigate God's promises for my life

Human In Recovery

A personal journal of recovery, growth, and healing

Sober Since Covid

Traversing Sobriety: Tales, Tips, and Tricks

The No Wine Shine

The ups downs and rounds and rounds of going alcohol free

Without the whine

Exploring the heart of what matters most

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Natural Skin Care Love

Naturally Beautiful Skin ... At Any Age!

Moderately Sober

Finding my contented self the sober way

Wine to Water

Choosing to Live Rather than Exist

New Beginnings

My Journey to Staying Sober.


Forever Student, Never PhinisheD

The Wandering Enigma

The experience, strength and hope of a recovering addict struggling with the disease of addiction.

Celebrating the magic of sobriety

100 Days to Sparkle

Aiming for 100 continuous days of sobriety in order to reclaim my sparkle 


Never Settle. Don't even think about it.


My Experiences on Getting and Staying Sober One Day At A Time

Alcoholism Recovery Blog

Holistic Steph

musings on healing, wellness and self-love

Reasons to Live For

Here to give you lots of reasons to live

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching

Simplify Tasks

Want to learn the simple way?

Wake up!

Operation Get A Life

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

the well.

nourishment for the mind, body & soul

Stacking the Bones

The journey of self-healing through yoga, meditation, and writing-it-out.

To Write or not to Write and What to Write

#shortstories #thoughts #reflections

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

Roaming & Recording Yogi

roaming around the world and recording it all along the way

Walking in Sober Boots

Footfalls on a Path of Recovery

Ditching the Wine

Getting myself sober; the ups and downs

A Multitude of Musings

On the Way to Wholeness

Pointless Overthinking

Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.


Just a gal trying to get sober

%d bloggers like this: