All this isolation has me regressing back into cocoon mode, where I forget about the outside world and the universe snugly fits into my safe little stay at home bubble.
And then I watched this 12 minute New York Times documentary about medical staff and morgue workers in Queens, U.S.A. and shit got real again. Instantly.
It’s crazy how statistics about death can become meaningless as they creep up, higher and higher. How they become more and more abstract. But seeing this doctor cry as he accepts the inevitability of his own father’s death says it all: it only takes ONE SINGLE PERSON close to you –your mother, your father, your child, your lover….–and shit instantly gets real again. As real as it ever gets.
All of this is fucking real for someone, right now, even if it’s not us.
Thinking of everyone going back outside and heading to the beach or worse, going clothes shopping, makes me feel slightly sick.
This was a useful wake up call for me, to remember that we are all in the same boat together. To remember why I’m staying home in the first place. It’s not just because I like being in PJs.
The world has become such a strange place . Masks everywhere. Plexiglass. Avoiding strangers like the plague. I feel like we’re living in Zombie-robot-land.
Sigh.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like “back to normal” is a dream that somehow got lost in the past.
BUT OTHERWISE, ALL IS GOOD.
Hang in there everyone,
xxx
Anne
I think it is important to acknowledge the enormity of this situation, and allow ourselves to express fear. To me it is respectful to those who have been touched with tragedy in this pandemic. Thank you for your post Anne xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely ! I guess I thought I had gotten all the “fear” out of my system, but it came back with a giant second wave 🙂 which helps me remember these things work in wave-form anyway, and there is no such thing as “permanent peace of mind”, especially in such a situation. Thank you so much for commenting 🙂 xxx Anne
LikeLike
It is all strange.
I just don’t know…
I’m trying to make my current reality work for me and my teens. Some days that means turning off the news and watching the office.
Sigh
Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes 🙂 And you are taking care of teens : no small task !!!! But yes, nothing like a good old episode of The Office to find a bit of peace of mind 🙂 xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
“All of this is fucking real for someone”…is so true, Anne. That’s exactly how I feel and dread. And to top it off you can’t hug those who lost someone. Heard a story of two nurses taping signs facing outward in a window of a hospital that read he’s at peace now. Couldn’t even imagine not being with a loved one during that. I just broke down crying.
I also know I couldn’t keep hiding and spiraling down so been kicking myself in the ass to try to get uP and going. Sending ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks for the reminder Dwight: our work is also to not give in to the negativity and keep the “up and going” fire fueled on a daily basis. That thought just kicked my ass, so thank youuuuuu xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so important to remember these numbers aren’t just statistics, they are people who leave behind others grieving their absence. I don’t know where all this will lead and end up. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of my pjs. The only thing I do know is we have to keep going, do our best to be safe and keep others safe and try and live a life! Xxxx
LikeLike
yes ❤ Some days I think about people across the globe and I feel like I have a serious case of First World Problems…. but as you say, we must still live a life. ❤ xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Echoing how I am at the moment Anne as you often do! Cocooned in my life whilst others are suffering hugely – it does seem unreal and if we think too hard it’s overwhelming but every death is someone’s loved one – I’m not sure what ‘normal’ will be now either but we have to hang in there and do our best to balance our cocoon with the knowledge of what’s going on – not an easy task! Love and hugs 💞💞
LikeLike
yes ❤ I guess deep down I feel guilty for being ok and helpless at the same time, because "hanging in there" doesn't take much work. Meanwhile others suffer tremendously. But yes. And yet, we must hang in there 🙂 Sending big hugs your way xxxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a very odd world situation… difficult to deal with on many levels. I really don’t watch much news. That keeps me more sane. Hugs Anne xoxox
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes, I’ve banished news too. Maybe that’s why this thing had such a strong emotional impact on me. Now back to no news lol xxxx ❤ Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
No gnus is good gnus. ;)) xoxoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Today, the New York Times printed all the names of the people who died in the US, close to 100,000.
And yet, we have people who continue to try to humiliate those who do wear masks, as well as those people that refuse to wear one.
I want to visit my 95 year old mother, who lives in another state, Idaho, where there are very little cases. However, if I should bring the virus to her, I don’t think I could live with the guilt.
Hugs.
It’s a mess.
But I am still grateful I have a home and a husband.
xo
Wendy
PS – I watch WAY too much news!
But now, I take my cochlear implants off and I can’t hear. LOL
I also don’t watch before bed.
LikeLike
oh that’s really great you might visit your mom! Would you fly or drive? Yes, it is a huge mess… and I guess the whole “news” thing is a good way to practice moderation ^^ xxxx Big hugs ❤ Anne
LikeLike
Very honest and very real post. Sending you hugs Anne and thank you for being a part of my sobriety and all of of your wonderful blogs.
LikeLike
❤ thank you !!!! So great to hear from you 🙂 big hugs to you too xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Feels like ages since Ive blogged but good to see you’re still hanging on in there. For me it’s trying to motivate myself although strangely I am doing my Spanish every day without fail. Why?😀
I watch all the news, seek it out because I no longer trust this government so I want to be as informed as possible so I can make good decisions. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
yeah that’s a tricky one…. it’s true you need to dive deep to get any sense of what’s really going on, but even then I feel like it’s so easy to drown in the mass of info that I’ve reverted back into cocoon mode. Though these days here, given the shit show in Minneapolis, it’s impossible to ignore the news. Sigh. xxxx great to hear from you Jim ! xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person