You might be thinking “Who on earth takes alcohol on a hike? Aren’t you supposed to travel light?” … Well, yes. Except when drinking is your top priority and—so you believe—the “only” to enjoy things. So yes, you read me correctly. This was a sober “first” for me.
In the past, if I went hiking and camped overnight, I would make sure to bring some kind of booze to “celebrate” by the fire after a long day of effort-making. Well, this weekend, after doing a portion of the Appalachian trail, some of it under the rain (one full day of it with horrible blisters on my feet), the reward was the joy of roasting marshmallows on the fire, and the simple, magnificent, joy of resting. Boy did it feel glorious. I don’t even think I would have wanted to drink, had the option been available.
Anyway. In less than a month now I will have been sober for a year. My “anniversary” date is September 4th.
I’m saving the “big” thoughts for my one year post, but for now, to celebrate 11 months, I want to make one simple observation. Last month I had quite a lot of fantasizing about celebrating 1 year with a beer. Now that the 1 year landmark is approaching for real, the fantasies are dissolving, and instead, the desire to keep going is creeping up strong.
The timing of my PhD here is a blessing: I must submit my final draft on September 20th. Then, I will take a week long trip to California (my first time on the West Coast!) with my boyfriend… this will be our celebration/goodbye trip.
This means that my 1 year anniversary will happen in the middle of the final push before submitting my manuscript. There is no way in hell that I am messing that up by messing around with alcohol. So, I consider myself safe for at least another month, until I fly back to France on October 2nd.
That’s when the real challenge begins: back to the town where my drinking friends and family live, with the PhD postpartum blues, the boyfriend partum blues, the joblessness, the loneliness that comes from leaving 6 years behindon another content. A whole new life to build.
What kind of life will that be? When I think about it, a mixture of anxiety and hope blend together, which I can’t even begin to unravel right now. So instead, I return my attention to the present moment, to the work I still have to do, and to the comfort of knowing that the addict’s “all or nothing” mentality won’t be able to take over my brain when the 1 year mark comes by.
Phew.
I feel very small, but also very determined.
Like a strong, hard, little rock.
Xxx
❤
Anne
I am just so excited for you, Anne! I know change can be scary, but I’ve have no doubt that you will build a wonderful new life for yourself. Almost a year, too! Amazing! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
awwww thank you Leafy ❤ Glass half full it is!!! (of water lol)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this!!! Firsts are the best! And when you think you may have done them all, you find another and that lovely little thrill comes back.
So happy for you!!! 🥰💖😻🥰💖😻
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehehehe yes 🙂 an endless pool of experiences to bathe in 🙂 xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Anne! I totally get the thoughts about celebrating with a drink – I had them too. I didn’t set another goal after a year and the thoughts crept back in. It will be a challenge moving back but you know that which is half way to managing it! Good luck with everything! 💞💞
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you DGS ❤ That's a good idea: finding a challenge to set myself for after the 1 year mark. Maybe even just 3 more months, and go from there (baby steps). xxx Anne
LikeLike
You are by no means ‘small’ my lovely, you are big and strong and I’m so proud of you! This is going to be a challenging time but challenges also bring excitement and happiness too. They are positive and it sounds like you are looking forward to the new! To stay in the present is the best thing right now. Get done what you need to. Analysis and future planning can all be done later. You are awesome xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes yes yes thank you so much Claire ❤ your comment means a lot! xxxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️
LikeLike
11 months sober… I could only dream of this, it’s so inspiring reading your blog. I completely get your hiking story and it’s so reassuring to hear it’s just as nice roasting marshmallows as it is having a drink at the end of a hike.
Your last comment made me think of the childrens book “the snail and the whale” my babies favourite book. There’s a paragraph
“And she gazed at the sky, the sea, the land,
The waves and the caves and the golden sand,
She gazed and gazed, amazed by it all,
And whispered to the whale….”I feel so small””.
The small tiny snail ended up saving the big powerful whale ♡
I’m excited to follow your journey
LikeLike
wowowowow thank you so much for commenting and for such an inspirational paragraph. I love children’s’ books, this little quote was truly beautiful 🙂 And I’m definitely a snail, lol I like to take it slow and easy 🙂 xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
See I like to think of myself like a snail, but after hitting the sugar hard I’m resembling more a whale 😂. Thanks so much for replying, it means a lot xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
bahahahaha in that case I’m a snail-whale ^^ 🙂
LikeLike
All that change does sound challenging, but you sound in a really good place to handle it. I think it’s fascinating and wonderful you’ve stopped really wanting a drink once you’re done with the year. I hope to be in that spot at some point. Thank you for the inspiration! Also, you might like the book Grandma Gatewood’s Walk: The Inspiring Story of the Woman Who Saved the Appalachian Trail. She was a teetotal as well =)
LikeLike
oh whoooooa thank you for the book recommendation! I will definitely take a look, I just read the summary and Mrs. Gatewood certainly seems like a tremendously inspiring woman! xxx Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
You must be proud of what you have accomplished so far… 🙂 Keep it up !
Good luck with your PhD, and in the new life that awaits !
LikeLike
thank you so much kdhuamel 🙂 means a lot! xxx Anne
LikeLike
HUGS. It will come, the new world and life, and you will embrace it, slowly but surely. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ awwwww thank you ❤ May your lovely words help me through the transition !!!
LikeLike
Brilliant, lovely, all kinds of warm feelings coming your way. Nearly a year for both of us- incredible . My recommendations for a celebratory drink- Everleaf and tonic! Jim X
LikeLiked by 2 people
I cant believe it!!!!! Oooo I’ve never heard of Everleaf 🙂 Will definitely give it a try. Hope you’re doing well Jim ! xxxx Anne
LikeLike
Yes Good thanks Anne. Be warned Everleaf costs more per litre than most gins! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
!!!!! lol Kombucha it is !!!! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congratulations, Anne. You don’t have to have it all figured out… just day by day. You’re amazing! 💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤ thank you Collette ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person