Day 347: The Final Push.

My friend Claire’s post about Resilience got me thinking today. 

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Get it? Final push? lol

As I embark on the final push toward finishing my dissertation (4 weeks left to edit a 550 page manuscript… yikes!) and reaching the 1 year sobriety mark (though that feels more like a soft swoop than a push), I pause for a moment to take a breath, to gather my energy, and realize that sobriety has given me a set of wonderful tools that have been helping me along the way. Resilience is one of the most important ones. 

Although I am under tremendous amounts of stress and feeling a constant sense of heightened anxiety (mostly about meeting my September 20th submission deadline), I have been dealing with it surprisingly well compared to other times in my life when the pressure piled up and shit got stressful.

Big shout-out to 2010 Anne who at age 23 had just moved to a new city and was afraid of teaching her first ever high school class the next morning. I can still see her, lying on the cool tile floor of her empty apartment, curled into a tight little ball, unable to get out of the fetal position… Oh, the fond memories of 2008 Anne, who gulped down a glass of vodka at 8:00 AM before jumping on the subway to take an oral exam she was nervous about. Aaaaah, sweet, tender nostalgia for 2005 Anne who downed 2 glasses of red wine at 9:00 ON THE DAY OF HER DRIVING TEST because she was nervous…. Get the picture?

Whoever invented the expression “liquid courage” knew what they were talking about. 

Anyway. This past month, while pressure has been building up, I have been religiously following what is now officially called the “2020 Anne life-saving ritual.” No joke, it has made a tremendous difference in helping me keep my shit together.

The ritual goes as follows: wake up, feed cat, coffee. Meditate for 21 minutes. Do 30 minutes of yoga. Shower, eat breakfast, and THEN, start the day.

So for the last 30 days, every single day, I’ve been doing a free yoga series by a lady called Leslie Fightmaster on youtube. It’s called “30 minute Hatha yoga for happiness” and it’s perfect for my current needs: not too long, but not for complete beginners either, just the right balance between gorunding, challenging and convenient. Also, lots and lots of gentle, positive energy ❤ She’s such a sweet lady, I’m now a big fan. THANK YOU MRS FIGHTMASTER, wherever you are!

Now, unlike past-Anne (or BS Anne, as my friend Claire would call her), whenever the waves of anxiety begin to feel overwhelming, I just breathe, and trust that I will get through all of this. That in a couple of months, I will be Dr. Anne 🙂  A few years ago trusting myself like this was inconceivable. Cutting through anxious loops and piercing anxious bubbles was unheard of. Surrendering and letting go instead of fighting was a skill I didn’t even know existed. You get the picture.

I won’t be blogging much for the next 4 weeks, though I’ll probably stop by on September 4th for my 1 year sober anniversary 🙂 And of course, I’ll try and stick around as much as I can to read and comment on all your posts. But if you don’t hear news for me for for a bit, don’t worry: I’m still on the wagon. I’m just also on another crazy academic wagon-rollercoaster, and moving into that period where I have to devote my time and energy to that one. But I’LL BE BACK 😉 



Published by nomorebeer

Learning how sobriety helps you ENJOY life.

30 thoughts on “Day 347: The Final Push.

  1. Holy Guacamole right back at ya nearly Dr Anne! God when we look back at our BS selves we really were a mess weren’t we? Little balls of anxiety ready to explode. I love your morning routine and I’m going to look up the yoga recommendation. Good luck with the final 4 weeks. Routing for you my wonderful, fabulous, awesome and RESILIENT friend ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck Anne! You can do it! Love the sound of your morning routine – I might check out that yoga too! Your past tales made me chuckle too – hard to imagine the stuff we did from this side sometimes! And congrats for sept 4th and Wendy too! 💞💞💞👏👏👏👏


    1. hahahaha no, actually I don’t think I’ve ever patted myself on the back, but I’ve been trying to engage in more positive self talk so maybe I’ll try the pat on the back tonight 🙂 see how it goes 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow you said a 30 minute yoga session wasn’t long, I struggle to finish a 15! Haha. YouTube is great for yoga though… why ever pay for an app, right? Editing a dissertation sounds like so much work (not to mention writing it in the first place). I’m going to have to do it someday but I can’t even fathom what that is like.


    1. hahahaha when people say then run for 30 minutes, I’m like “how is that even possible?” 🙂 yep, editing is NOT fun, but it’s the final step before the whole thing gets thrown into the world, so it’s also one of the most rewarding parts in the end. IF I EVER GET THERE Lol 🙂 xxx Anne

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bloody hell- saw the post title and pic and thought Anne’s only gone and had a baby- she kept that quiet no wonder she gave up the booze! Then I read the post- oh I get it!
    Dr Anne- Excellent and nearly one year- double excellent- oh and if you do have a baby can I recommend the name John😇


    1. hehehe that would have been the best prank ever 🙂 (as for the John joke -I’m assuming there’s a joke- I need time to figure it out! My brain isn’t working it seems…. need help!)


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