Day 360-something: Pissed.

Photo by Oladimeji Ajegbile on Pexels.com

No, no. Not drunk-pissed. Mad-pissed.

Today my advisor announced my PhD defense date (October 22nd, yikes!) and the committee members.

It’s the advisor’s job to decide who goes on the committee, after discussing it with the candidate, aka. Anne. I made it very very clear that I really wanted this nice lady, (let’s call her Professor E.) on my committee. Professor E. is a cute bird-like lady in her 60s, who has been SO supportive of my work and knows the material super well. And expressed multiple times her interest in reading my work/being on my committee. I thought it was obvious that she would be.

Turns out, my advisor doesn’t like professor E much. Not many faculty members in my department do, I don’t know why. (She’s the kind of sweet, older professor who rambles on and on, and is a little bit in the clouds, but is really nice). Turns out my advisor put two of her “friend” colleagues on the committee, instead of professor E, and just announced it by email without even mentioning it or explaining her choice, presenting it like good news.

Without the comforting, maternal presence of professor E. and with the unfamiliar presence of these two other professors (they are much more famous and scary), I suddenly feel very threatened, fragile, anxious and depressed. I know I just have to accept this and move on/get back to work, buuuuuuuut… it’s hard.

When I got the news a few hours ago I felt nauseous, and now I feel betrayed. I know it’s all ok and it doesn’t really matter in the long run. I know that I just have to sit through the defense and after that, all this will be a distant memory. But this afternoon I had a huge wave of lassitude, with thoughts of “urgh, it’s in cases like these that I would want to drink a beer” popping up. So I rant here instead.

Maybe I will take the evening off (though I can’t really “afford” it time wise) and go and watch Netflix with some snacks in my bed instead of putting in another 5 hours of work like a zombie.

Sigh.

Lots of love xxxx

Tired and stressed Anne.

Published by nomorebeer

Learning how sobriety helps you ENJOY life.

17 thoughts on “Day 360-something: Pissed.

  1. Oh Anne, I really felt this as I read through your post. I totally get it. I am actually convinced they throw grenades into people’s PhD journeys (sorry Jim!) to test their resilience. It’s all part of the final achievement. If you can cope with this you can cope with anything in life, kind of thing.

    Definitely take the evening off. You will not focus anyway and it’ll give you chance to come down off the ceiling and then deal with what has happened. It’s disappointing but you will still nail this. You have worked so hard and it matters not who is on that panel, it’s Anne who is going to be awesome.

    Maybe a relaxing yoga and then chill in bed Netflix style. You got this. You really have 😘🤗❤️💕

    Like

  2. You may not want to hear this but I believe that everyone happens for a reason. My thought when you said the two more prestigious people would be on your panel means your advisor thinks highly of you and your work and wanted a high-caliber panel. Sure, the other lady would mean more comfort, but sometimes our biggest growth moments come when we are truly challenged. I wouldn’t worry about it… you are highly intelligent and amazing, and anyone can see that! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. awww thanks Collette. Yes my friends said the same thing about my advisor making that choice, You’re right – clinging to comfort is just cocoon-thinking. And either way defending will be a challenge so might as well face the challenging parts of the challenge 🙂 xxx Anne

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reading this in the morning here Anne so hoping you took the evening off and took care of yourself – it sucks when things aren’t how we expect and it feels like a bigger challenge but I think Colette has a good take on it – your supervisor wants to show off her brilliant student to her prestigious friends! You could ask her maybe her reasoning for her choices? Remember she wants to look good too in this process so she is not going to set you up to fail so she must believe you are going to impress them – we all believe that too so work on believing it for yourself! Lots of love and hugs 💞💞💞

    Like

    1. hahaha brilliant I don’t know but yes, you guys are right, this means she “trusts” me somewhat. I did take the evening off, ate snacks, and my partner came over and I didn’t have much patience so we had a flight when I fell asleep as he was telling me about his therapy session (in my defense his monolog was LONG). sigh. but we made up this morning and I got back to work with a fresh(ish) mind. I also asked my advisor and she gave an administrative reason for her choice. I’ve had enough time to process by now, so I just thanked her and accepted her choice inwardly. Gotta gather strength for the final push and submit this thing in a week. Yikes 🙂 xxxx thanks for the encouragement ❤ Anne

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m with Collette and the doctor. She wants you to succeed in front of her friends and believes you will. And I want to add that, you never know, she may have announced it as good news because they are her friends and she is confident (because she knows something you don’t know about them) that they will be interested in your work. Regardless, I am 100% confident you can do it! 😘🤗

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Sober Since Covid

Traversing Sobriety: Tales, Tips, and Tricks

The No Wine Shine

The ups downs and rounds and rounds of going alcohol free

Without the whine

Exploring the heart of what matters most

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Natural Skin Care Love

Naturally Beautiful Skin ... At Any Age!

Moderately Sober

Finding my contented self the sober way

Wine to Water

Choosing to Live Rather than Exist

Mounzer Darwich

Be dedicated...................... Blog for free debate and dialogue in the affairs of society, family and people

New Beginnings

My Journey to Staying Sober.

mydegreeme

Forever Student, Never PhinisheD

Drug, Alcohol, Gambling, And Eating disorder Recovery https://localbitcoins.com/buy-bitcoins-online/?ch=1c2wt

Drug and alcohol recovery, Help for addiction, alcoholism, eating and gambling disorders, free help for drug addiction and alcoholism,free resource guide for drug addiction and alcoholism

The Wandering Enigma

The experience, strength and hope of a recovering addict struggling with the disease of addiction.

lifebeyondhedonism.com/

Celebrating the beauty in sobriety

100 Days to Sparkle

Aiming for 100 continuous days of sobriety in order to reclaim my sparkle 

Letitgocoach

Never Settle. Don't even think about it.

SoberJo

My experiences on getting and staying sober one day at a time

fromwretchedtorecovery.com

Alcoholism Recovery Blog

Holistic Steph

musings on healing, wellness and self-love

Reasons to Live For

Here to give you lots of reasons to live

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching

Simplify Tasks

Want to learn the simple way?

Wake up!

Operation Get A Life

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

Finer Yoga

striving to empower others

Stacking the Bones

The journey of self-healing through yoga, meditation, and writing-it-out.

To Write or not to Write and What to Write

#shortstories #thoughts #reflections

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

saania2806.wordpress.com/

Philosophy is all about being curious, asking basic questions. And it can be fun!

Roaming & Recording Yogi

roaming around the world and recording it all along the way

Walking in Sober Boots

Footfalls on a Path of Recovery

Ditching the Wine

Getting myself sober; the ups and downs

A Multitude of Musings

On the Way to Wholeness

Pointless Overthinking

Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.

GettingSoberGal

Just a gal trying to get sober

msnewleaf

my life without alcohol

ainsobriety

Trying to ace sober living

Emotional Sobriety Means Healing Mind, Body, and Soul

Your Childhood Holds the Key to Who You Are. Codependency is the Engine Under All Addictions.

The SMILF Diaries

Fueled by redbull and crude humor

Faded Jeans Living

By Dwight Hyde

boozebrain

a joyous, grateful and muddled recovering alcoholic & his ramblings

The State Of Being Sober

Margot's Movement. A journey of sobriety and saying no to the Sauvignon. Once, and for all.

%d bloggers like this: